DavidWindmiller.com

Its been too long since I last posted. I’ve been thinking about the difference which I will do my best to make in this world, the change and cause, however big or small, I will contribute toward. Its getting blogged, soon.

I will usually take a short time to jot down my thoughts whenever I gain insight to something important in life. This is something I happened to stumble across… A big reminder (in capital letters, as well) that you should NOT HATE YOURSELF IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOURSELF!

In today’s society it is so typical for us to experience a sort of information overload. We experience so many pressures and influences in society to be a certain way, take up a certain kind of job, dress a certain way, act in yet another… that we should always be trying to gain what society and culture says is right to gain. These pressures alone are enough to make us question whatever it is we want and to take pains to ensure that our desires coincide with that of the society’s. We devote a substansial amount of our cognitive capacities to uphold this contiguity.

In addition to the ever present societal influences, there is so much accessible tangible information which can be utilized to better inform us to make the life-making decisions which are ultimately in our best interests. It is absolutely stupendous - we have everything from millions of books, articles, journals just to list print sources. Now we have social networking tools (facebook, myspace, etc.) which give us so much more information not only about history, or science, or the likes, but of the people who we interact with daily. Just imagine how much better and more meaningfully we can interact with our friends if we study their facebook pages all day! (this is a joke.)

And, this is only the information which we have available to us to research and make better-educated decisions with. This admittedly does not mention the infinite number of ways in which we can intelligently construct our lives.

It makes sense that we are just blown away at times with the amount of information which we can use to build our life, and then also the task of building our lives once we’ve tapped enough of that information well… Imagine you are about to climb Everest and are standing at the bottom, looking up to the peak.

I have a feeling it is all to easy to get down on yourself when pushed into a corner by culture, and into uncertainty from what the future will hold, and from the ineffectiveness it seems like working to achieve your goals, which you don’t even know or have, will yield. This state of mind seems too easy to fall into.

The solution is to know what you want to do with your life. The man who is driven towards a purpose in his life has absolutely no reason to get down on himself, because he is to vehemently working to fufil it.

The key for whoever does not have this drive is to find it.

I’m all about developing an inner confidence, an inner pillar of strength. It has been a life goal which I have been working on extensively as of late.

Today I tried this core-building exercise. The gist of it is that you first stand in place and close your eyes. Then, as you feel, take a step back or a step forward. The critical element of the exercise is that for every step back you take you feel emotionally worse, and for every step forward you take you feel emotionally better. Think of the line you are on as a continuum from feeling like an absolute bag of ass (far behind you) to feeling empowered, motivated, and confident (far infront of you).

I was skeptical of this exercise at first. I gave it a shot and it helped me to see how actively our minds construct our own realities. I started on the 50 yard line of a football field and went something to the tone of 2 steps back, one step forward. I felt worse - and all because I had the notion in my mind that the yard line and endzones of the football field were supposed to represent my confidence, esteem, and the likes. After a long while of stepping around and feeling horrible I decided to open my eyes and see how close to the endzone I was. Turned out, I wasent even close - I was on the damn 45 yard line!!

I started stepping forward again and started to feel better. I felt more confident, more able to handle problems and stress, and more like a powerful presence. It was great. I could really explore my inner thoughts and feelings given enough time to try something simple like this. These are, after all, the parts of ourselves with which we are usually too busy with our hectic lifestyles to explore and appreciate - the power we actually have over our own minds and experiences.

Right now I am sitting in the psychology lab where I work. Both of the students who I was scheduled to experiment cancelled today to my chagrin. But, I have the easiest part time job in the world - I tell subjects to work through a simple computer program and “supervise” them. And by supervising I mean chilling in the corner of the room and reading books and doing homework. Seven dollars an hour to do homework or read (which I would otherwise be doing as a service to myself, for free) is a sweet deal. I’ve never understood why college students sign up for a jobs in which they actually have to DO something. There are so many great jobs and locations which just need someone to “supervise”: a research lab, or computer lab, or library desk job, and so on…

In fact, I’d much rather be paid 7 dollars an hour to supervise (read in: study and read) instead of 10 or even 14 dollars an hour to actually DO something substancial whether it be working in the school gym, or at a McD’s, a dining hall, etc… An hour spent working at McD’s is one I could have spent thinking, or reading, or writing, or… doing anything else except working at McD’s

Not that there is anything wrong with that if you happen to work at McD’s, of course.

Granted, I’m very well financially afloat, but I’m afloat because I do smart things like maximize my efficiency and effectiveness in whatever things I choose to do…

Another example - Purdue gives their RA’s a free ride. So OF COURSE I applied for an RA position. I saw a great opportuinity and took advantage of it. Add a free meal plan, housing, and a stipend, and this is a VERY sweet deal. I also get assistance and practice in an environment in which I may develop critical life skills - it certinally isnt just because of financial reasons why I applied.

Read in: A Theme: take advantage of opportunities and do not be afraid to take risks as long as they are ones worth taking.

My point is, that the act of growing as a person presupposes that you have the time to personally grow. Time is money, and similarly I hold the notion that money is time. Money is necessary to survive, but don’t let it control you; your money won’t mean anything unless you are happy, anyways. Best if you can not squander your time in less meaningful, purposeful ways while making it.

Yesterday was not good. I recall having that sick feeling in my mind which used to plague me day after day. Back then my mind was naturally programmed and set up to feel “sick” like that. It is easy to find your mind stuck in a circle of negative thoughts, seemingly unable to get out. Just as similarly, and in our days of happiness, our minds easily become encircled in a progressive series of positive thoughts.

This begs the question – what are the best ways to put yourself into the circle where you want to be, the positive one? (I hope nobody would WANT to be in the negative one.)

The key is to look within. Break down your feelings, thoughts, and emotions, and become critical of these states.

Know what miserable feels like. Know what happy feels like. Know what is necessary for you to do to get from point A (miserable) to point B (happy) and DO IT. There is never, ever, such a thing as an acceptable excuse, especially when your happiness & enjoyment, what makes life worth living, is at stake.

Pulling yourself out of emotional trenches can be godawful work, and know that the more times you do yourself this favor the easier making life better for yourself can only become.

Don’t blame your shortcomings on others in this world – that only makes you ignorant. Don’t place your faith into “fate” – you might as well be driving a car blindfolded. DO take accountability for yourself and know that you have a complete control over what you will experience in the rest of your life… Know what steps are necessary to get from A to B…

Don’t attribute your life to “fate” and think that things will just “naturally happen as they are meant to be” – that takes you out of the driver’s seat in life and blinds you to all of the possibilities to which you can find, take advantage of, and grow from (I argue that placing your chips into “fate” is a form of learned helplessness, anyways… and besides, you can ALWAYS enrich yourself, through your own sheer will).  

Death is nothing, but to live defeated and unglorious is to die daily. - Napoleon Bonaparte

According to the CDC, the average American lives to the age of 77.8 years. Physical conditioning declines after 30, fluid intelligence declines after adolescence, and perhaps reproductive ability around 40 and mental ability between 70-75. Sooner or later the human body will fail. Noting can be done about that. Best to make the most of each and every moment you have – to consider each present moment you have as one which lasts for an infinitely long period of time. Are you infinitely happy? Why or why not?

We encounter several hardships in our lives. Hardships, to an extent, are necessary. But, so many put themselves in positions from which they are “defeated”.

So many put themselves in positions to “die daily,” to dwell in pains and miseries which are totally unnecessary. More or less, a degree of feeling uncomfortable is often required to further your own self, but this is nothing at all related to the unnecessary pain so many endure.

Once you realize the pointlessness in wasting any of your time, mentally dwelling in unfruitful and unfulfilling feelings, you won’t.

March 11^th,

Purdue has taught me something. It is always good to kill two, or three, or four, birds with one stone. I am double majoring at Purdue with at least three, possibly four minors. I have not busted my butt either to pull grades which should get me in to medical school. I have not accomplished much, but relatively speaking I am pursuing something atypical of a college student. How do you think I have made it happen?

It is nearly 3:30AM as I write this post, on my spring break, and I am about to go to bed.

There are people who are incredibly productive in this world (one of whom I aspire to become) and other people who never seem to find the time for activities they “want” to do, or opportunities which they “want” to utilize. They always seem to rationalize. Rationalizing is simply a stack of excuses twined together with, well, bullshit.

There are 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week, and 365 days in a year. Time is not partial to whoever you happen to be. Those who happen to be of the more productive breed simply live a more productive lifestyle.

If you want to be productive, you have to stop wasting your time which you willingly give away for the good of corporate organizations, organizations which typically have too much money for what is good. And through what medium is corporate America most readily sucking not only your valuable time, but also your cognitive resources? It is through the television. Turn it off. This is anecdotal I know, but regardless, I have minimally watched TV for the past two months and have not only have saved a killingsworth of time – time in which I have been accomplishing other productive things – but I have also developed a healthier perspective on life, a perspective less tarnished by the bureaucratic organizations which assail their influences in efforts to somehow, even subtly (to buy Pepsi instead of Coke, for example) to manipulate our behaviors. Also one less tarnished by cultural and societal influences which are non-beneficial to the psyche.

For personal growth, best expose the situations to which you expend your time and energy wisely. Know what you want out of life. Do you want to become more productive, or more fulfilled? Surround yourself with people who help you to best reach the goals you have for yourself. Just make sure you know what your goals are, first. - Wandering around without a mental road map is less than productive and arguably is a waste of time.

Perhaps you can best grow personally while socializing. If religion or spirituality is your thing then find some religious or spiritual groups, or hike a trail with a loved one, or share experiences with a mentor. Do not be afraid to step out of your comfort zone; remember, we are always at our best when we are uncomfortable, and within every set of new experiences you have, there is always a chance that a small fraction of that set may provide you with a critical insight, thought, or feeling which may change the rest of your life. You only do a disservice to yourself if you void yourself of that possibility.

Hopefully it is becoming clear the direction in which I am voyaging with this construct. It now is almost 4:00AM, and I’m off to bed. More to come later.

March 14^th,

Back to the first question above. How have I planned that load - which could be much more intense, by the way – and have sailed through college without breaking a heavy academic sweat, and have had lots of valuable experiences along the way?

I have clear goals of what I want to accomplish, an efficient scheme which I am always amending and will accomplish those goals through its implementation, and proper drive necessary to see my goals through until the end, until they are fulfilled. There is never a state of having “no” goals – I feel any man who knows he or she has “no” more goals to attain to is dead; either physically or mentally. This is the way by which I handle all of my responsibilities, fit in time to grow personally, keep aim of which direction I am heading forward in, grow personally, socialize, and relax.

And I stink at what I do, honestly. I’m aware of the level of efficiency at which I am operating at, aware of my current intellectual and personal capabilities, and, also, aware of how much more I can become. I see potential, and my hopeful vision translates into motivation – the fuel which powers my engine.

So, how does one find time to grow personally, socialize, and relax? And accomplish whichever goals he or she may attain to? I’m not sure, but I do know it is necessary to cut out excuse making (because it is painful to let excuses hold you back from breaking out of the cycle of “dying day after day”), focus your time and energy in only the wisest of ways (you only have so much of it and should expend it on what is most valuable), know what you want out of life (a road map is necessary to get to any unknown location), and to be honest of how you currently are as a person and in which ways you can further bring yourself to your goals.

Role play. Pretend you are Neo. Would you take the red pill, or the blue? Personally, I’m taking whichever one will lead me to fulfillment; a happiness of knowing what is really… “real”. The one which leads me to all the sensible, responsible, proper, and aristocratic pleasures in life, such as, for example, stoning adulterers.

We say we want the truth, but is it what we really want? Well, Sometimes… but why then do we delude ourselves?

My friend Julia is a sensitive, caring, curious young woman. Julia confided in me the other day upon hearing that the love of her life, the one she would have given her hand to, was lying to her. He was lying to her and cheating on her. Julia told me what she knew and had heard. I, being my own direct, bold, but also suave self, confirmed her deepest fears, pitched my two cents that she should dump him in the gutter. Despite the insurmountable amount of flack she had on this man’s guilt, it took a considerable amount of psychological sledge hammering by me to help her get out of her cycle of depression and rationalization from her (now) ex lover’s behavior. She knew she was being played for months, even years but still refused to face the facts.

Why do many of us allow ourselves to fall so immensely into our illusions? How are you living — in which ways are you deluding and depriving yourself and ultimately your happiness?

Discovering truthfully what reality is for me and fighting for what I want it to be is continuing to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. But, I wouldn’t change a thing…  I would rather die fighting on my feet than live on my knees. Give me the dose of what is… “real.”

I’m an undergraduate at Purdue studying Psychology and Chemistry. I’m 21. My life consists of going to school, working out at the gym, tutoring, working in two psychology labs, reading, socializing, and volunteering.

I understand there is always room for personal growth and development in one’s live, no matter your gender, age, religion, race, status, and so on - my aim with this blog is to capture and define that essence.

Note: There are currently some broken links on this site. I’m working on it. I suggest navigating via the category bar on the left side of this page for the time being.

Hello, my name is David and I hope to give whomever may stumble across this webpage a lift in life through my voice.

Questions? Comments? I’d love to hear them.

I can be reached at davidwindmiller@gmail.com; drop me an email.